Dear God,
I would like to earn more money (Earn! Not just have or be given. I want to work for this money. How totally worthy does that make me?) so that I can afford my own place.
Alright, alright.
Do I believe in you? No.
Do I find writing to you to therefore be hypocritical? Sort of, yeah. But who else can I write to? I don't think I can write to prospective employers any more than I do as to why they should hire me. And somehow I don't think "I would like my own apartment" would make for good cover letter material.
If I did believe in you, do I believe that, after allowing 6 millions jews to die, you would help me to find another job? Of course. Id be a white middle-class Christian--your fav! Joke. Just a joke.
(If I did believe in you, do I believe you would have a sense of humor? You bet your sweet bippy I would.)
Look. I really need my own apartment. I'm that type of person. I'm not sure I'm what you'd call a loner. I like other people and socializing and all that crap, but I need my own space and time to myself. I need a patch of floor and four walls that are definitively, undeniably mine. Nothing shared. No considerations to be had for someone else's food or stuff. No could you do the dishes please. No permission to use this, borrow that, or bring people over. Just. My. Space.
And I don't ask for much. Ok. I ask for wood floors. Wood floors, but that's basically it. What can I say? I was raised on Yankee Workshop and This Old House. I think carpet is the scourge of the Earth. But other than the wood floors, I don't care. The place can be tiny. Miniscule. It could literally be a closet (with a full bathroom and kitchen) just so long as it's mine.
Would you be at all moved if you knew how pathetically desperate I am? I just got five books from the library about living in small spaces (Yes, such books as "Your 4 X 4 Cell and How to Squeeze You and All You Own into It"). I look at apartments on Craigslist. And not just in the city I live in. I look at apartments in random other cities I have no intention of moving to but damn they have beautifully cheap housing there. I'm even writing to a deity I don't believe in. Clearly, I want this very badly.
So if you're not busy doing...well, fuck all probably (no offense), if it's not too much to ask, could you find it in your heart (or whatever you have that passes for a heart) to steer me towards an employer that will hire me and pay me a reasonable sum to live on and then steer me towards a nice, honest realtor who can help me find a cheap but lovely studio or one bedroom that is not in Allston-Brighton, I would be eternally grateful. Actually that's probably a lie. If such events occurred, I more than likely wouldn't start believing in you. I'd just be pleased as punch with myself and my good luck.
But if I did believe in you, do I believe you'd care whether or not anyone believed in you? Hell no.
Thanks pal,
K. Bliss
What's a bippy?
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